Monday, October 24, 2011

Please critique my essay?

I'm a freshman in college and this is an essay about a life changing experience or something that taught me a lesson in life. Please tell me what you think, I honestly think I'm a terrible essay writer and if you think its the worst paper you've ever seen in your life, please say so. Don't hold back :)

Oh and sorry about how it looks, it doesn't really paste correctly in this. I spread it out a little bit but it took out the indents, yes I know paragraphs need to be indented. xD

First Date Gone Awry

Some people’s first dates go horribly wrong; some people’s first dates go perfectly right. I wish that my first date fell under the perfectly right category, but it was far from it. Despite the date going awry I learned from it and it changed not only my love life, but my life as a whole. Before the date I was completely oblivious to what I was doing so I was understandably extremely nervous. I had never kissed a girl before because I was only fourteen so I was excited as well as afraid to even attempt it.

The fact that I was fourteen and she was fifteen made the date a little complicated in itself. I called her when I woke up that day and asked her “So, where do you want to hang out?”

She replied “How about the fair down by the park at 6 p.m.?” which I agreed to hastily without much thought.

I proceeded to take a shower and get prepared for my first date; I put on my cologne and spiked my hair to attempt to make the best impression possible. I sat on my couch watching the clock waiting for it to display 5:45 p.m. which felt like an eternity. The clock finally displayed 5:45 p.m. and I exited the house to my mongoose mountain bike and proceeded to ride it to the park, this is where all the troubles started. While I was riding down a hill my brakes stopped working and I was forced to run into a curb to stop which flipped me over on to the grass. The crash didn’t hurt much but my clothes were covered in the newly mowed grass. I looked at my watch and it displayed 5:50 p.m. therefore I had no time to ride back to my house and change clothes. I rose up and wiped as much grass off of my clothes as possible then walked over to my bike. Since the brakes were out I knew it would be dangerous to ride all the way to the fair though I had no other choice because I couldn’t walk to the park within ten minutes. I made it to the fair rather quickly for having no brakes and proceeded to the tent where we were going to meet. I was so happy that I made it in time. I looked around and saw her looking at me smiling.

I walked over to her and we started talking, I told her what happened on the way to the fair and we both laughed. It seemed as though all was going well. We walked around looking around and talking about various subjects when we came across a bubble popping game where you could win a giant stuffed tiger. She stopped near the game and talked about how cool the stuffed tiger was, in other words she wanted me to win it for her. I checked my pockets and found out that I had forgotten my money. I stood there for around thirty seconds trying to think of what to say, I was so embarrassed. I told her I didn’t have any money and she paused and sighed for a few seconds and said “It’s alright.”

There really wasn’t anything that we could do without any money, I felt so stupid for going to the fair without any money. To make matters worse, I ran out of things to have a conversation about therefore the conversations became dull or nonexistent for periods of time. Before this I had never been on a date before, nor was I very social other than going outside and playing with friends occasionally so coming up with topics to talk about wasn’t second nature to me.

I glanced at her after about a minute without any conversation and she looked extremely bored. She looked at me and said “Well, I have to go and do chores and stuff before I go to sleep.” She left and I was devastated, I knew that was just a lie to get away from how boring I was. It didn’t work out between us because of how boring my personality was so I knew it was time to change. After my first date I became more social and completely changed my life around which made me much happier in the long run, without this day I probably would still be a boring awkward kid that was too shy to talk to anyone.Please critique my essay?Honestly it's not horrible. You have very good details. you do spend a bit too much time on the build up and not as much time on the date but other than that it was pretty good. We had the exact same assignment in my English comp class a couple of weeks ago. And this is better than some ofthe papers I read.Please critique my essay?Honestly it's not bad. It's not 100% great either. I would play around with the wording a bit. That being said I myself am a freshman in college, and if I have learned anything the 1st couple of weeks during my writing class is that detail makes a lot of difference.Please critique my essay?Dear Boring/exciting guy, I loved your essay, and except for a few places that needed commas -- and some transitions would be nice -- it is excellent. you told a first person story %26quot;essay%26quot; about a life changing experience. So, you amused me and I loved all of the personal thoughts without saying, %26quot;I thought%26quot; all the time. great personal essay! Shorten the paragraphs a bit, and fix the punctuation after a coordinating conjunction (you need a comma after and, but, or, nor, for, so). I think your teacher will be amazed, and as amused as I was. Remember that the more details that we can see or hear makes for a better story. The fair must have had somebody calling for you to win the prize for the girl, huh? Put that in, and you have a winner! Thanks for asking, Love and Peace, Stormy Shea

Car thermostat question?

Hi ive had a recent problem with my car. The gauge in my car for the temp has been in the red and i pulled over n let it cool down and all my fluid leaked out. I took it to the shop an they said i need a new thermostat cuz my current one was sticking and causig the fluid to leak out the side, a coolant flush, and my rear brakes were trashed. Ive had zero problems with my brakes and the 547 bucks he wanted to fix those things was redicilous. Well i need a car and i would like your opinion on how much you think i would be charged just for the thermostat to be replaced and a coolant flush would cost. The only reason i can think of that would cost so much is maybe labor repairing my brakes? I figure if theyre already trashed and i never noticed whats the difference. Two weeka prior i got an oil change at a different place and they checked my car and never said anything about brakes. I really have no idea what the place that gave me that estimate was even doing looking at my rear brakes when i went there to check the overheating issue anyway! Hopefully they were just trying to rip me off.Car thermostat question?they just want to lube you and rub your brakes. what shop so i can avoid it cause you'll probably shut them down. a good price depends // amount of time and per hour... i agree what did they want with your parts store.Car thermostat question?to flush the system and replace the thermostat should cost between 50 and 100, rear brakes should cost 100 - 150 depending on the needs...

yea... go somewhere else!Car thermostat question?See qu. 2-u what kind of car yeas model cant help any one here all of you are crying and it sad you pay hi dollar for NOTHING cause you cant tell us what you have car problems with and thats sad sorry for your loss of money i bet your friends know the car your in but i dont see them helping so? what type of vechile you dont have ?????Car thermostat question?Lots of shops add extra work. Its highway robbery. Dont go back there. Go to someone you can trust.Car thermostat question?Just to replace the thermostat itself maybe $50 depending on which car you have.

1999 Ford Expedition ABS light?

I own a 1999 Ford Expedition with a 4.6L, it is 2wd, and has 4 wheel disc brakes. The other day when i was backing out of the drive way the ABS light in the i nstrument cluster came on. So the next day i jacked it up and checked the brakes on the front, they were worn so i changed them and hoped the light would go back off and it didnt. What would cause this warning light to come on and what do i need to fix or change to make it go off or do i just need to reset it some how? thanks in advance for your help1999 Ford Expedition ABS light?Yes, U do have to reset it, any shop with an ABS scanner can do it for U,

ask 'em 2 read a code for U, probably its a sensor, but U got 4 sensors, so its good to know which one1999 Ford Expedition ABS light?The ABS light came on because there is a problem with the ABS system. Could be the ABS computer, or one of the sensors on the brake calipers.1999 Ford Expedition ABS light?usually the rear sensor goes out on the rear end, but need tester to erase codes to turn light off

Making Homemade Caravan?

hi, informations for south australia

just wondering if i make my own caravan chassis which im only thinking about at this stage,

how hard is it to just register and what exactly has to be done to register a homemade chassis the first time ill have to register the chassis only first so i can tow it from one place to the other to work on it, how will i go on that.

what has to be done to get a vin for the first time on a homemade caravan chassis.

what size box tubing for a caravan chassis would i need. i was thinking 65x50 mm square tubing for the main chassis and 50x50mm tubing for the insides of the chassis. and maybe 42x19mm timber or metal for the framework.

is it cheaper to buy a 500 dollar 15ft caravan and rebuild it fron the ground up or change the front and back so the whole thing looks like a viscount with the possibillity of having to have the brakes replaced or is it cheaper to just make a new chassis as well and buy the outside sheeting secondhand seperately.

whats the requirements to register a homemade caravan chassis first time as in lighting and brakes and chains.

can you please give me information in your own words what has to be done and how to get a vin first time on a homemade caravan chassis and am i able to rivert the vin plate on if i get a number from you guys.

am i able to buy a old camper trailer and strip the brakes and wheel hubs off it.

Making Homemade Caravan?Look, just reading your question gives me the impression you don't know the first thing about doing what you propose, so I'd suggest you should just buy a caravan!

To start with, you would probably need to have an engineers' report to ensure your design and construction are adequate for the desired construction and weight. Just how do you propose to do all this metalwork for the chassis, unless you have the skills and equipment required?

You don't need to %26quot;buy an old camper trailer and strip the brakes and wheel hubs off it%26quot;, for instance. You would buy already built assemblies and springs, etc., from a trailer parts supplier. Brand new!

Even he would need to know the finished and loaded weight, track, the type of wheel(s) you intend, the type of braking.

If you managed to do the required metal work for the chassis but weld it poorly, it won't be passed. I would expect the inspection would not even be done until the entire job is finished, not just on %26quot;chassis only%26quot;.

A caravan builder can do a far more professional job of building, with clever internals, and lighter in weight than you could possibly achieve.

If you do the job yourself, they will go over the workmanship %26quot;with a fine toothed comb%26quot;.Making Homemade Caravan?i think you have a damn good question , pity there isn't a damn good answer to it , i am pondering the same thoughts about a total rebuild from chassis upwards , good luck

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Making Homemade Caravan?Just to answer the financial aspect of it, I would bet that you could either spend the next one or two years saving for parts and building it or you could save your money for the next year or two and buy one already built for you for about the same money or less. Do it whatever way you like if it is your dream to do so.



I have a 1992 Toyota Corolla, and I went to the pool earlier today and came out and my brake lights were on!! Car was off, the emergency brake wasn't on, not that that should make a difference, but anyway when I started it, it cranked right up, and the headlights are fine, but for some reason, the brake lights just stay on. When I step on the brake, nothing changes. I was concerned about it running out my battery if left unfixed, so I pulled the fuse for the tail lights and it finally went out, but I know this can't be good. What is happening to my car, and how much should I expect to pay to fix it? Is there a quick fix, or maybe something I haven't tried yet?

Thank you for your answers!!!HELP ME!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS WONT GO OUT?Get youself down by the break pedal. You will see that the 'arm' of the pedal, when pushed down, hits a little plastic device which has a spring under it. When you step on the break, it engages the device with clicks the break lights on. Foot off the break and the device is disengaged and the spring makes it go back in place. Your device has gotten stuck in the engaged position. Just gently pull it up with your hand. that should do it. I hope.HELP ME!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS WONT GO OUT?It will run the battery down eventually. The switch is on the brake pedal and the plunger on that switch is stuck. It needs to have the dust and grit cleaned off it. Put some WD40 on it and push it in and out until it frees up.HELP ME!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS WONT GO OUT?i had the same problem with my car though it seem to only happen when the car was running. i had it checked to then discover the brake light switch located under the foot pedal needed some adjustment.HELP ME!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS WONT GO OUT?Simple fix. The inexpensive brake light switch is out of adjustment or needs replacement. It's located above your brake petal linkage up inside the footwell.HELP ME!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS WONT GO OUT?brake light switch is either bad or out of adjustment, it's under the dash up on top of the brake pedal.
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  • 96 ford Aspire makes odd sound like something UNWINDING in the shifter! What is it and how can I make it stop?

    Ok I dont know how to describe this except if you have ever heard what it sounds like when a metal windup toy is winding down, thats the sound! It does it when you turn the ignition on/off, also when engine is not running and you take your foot off the brake. This has happened since I bought it almost 4 yrs ago, seems to happen a little more often now. WHAT IS IT AND DO I NEED TO REPLACE/REPAIR SOMETHING??? I love this funny-looking little car, its been extremely reliable and gets great MPG, but this noise has been a constant worry to me! The guy who changes my oil just shakes his head and says it must not be too serious, or makes a joke about the hamster's wheel needing serviced, but he is not the one who could be stranded on the side of the road some dark and rainy night! Any info would be appreciated! thanks!96 ford Aspire makes odd sound like something UNWINDING in the shifter! What is it and how can I make it stop?Classic transmission bearing failure noise. It will do that forever without harming anything. The part is relatively cheap but the transmission may have to be split to change it. Watch the fluid level and check the drain for metal filings. If you get sick of it you can source a junkyard transmission.

    I wrote a new poem , any opinion?

    no one of us wanted it to go as far as it did

    how come a bunch of roses became torn leaves

    we knew something's wrong but we had to proceed

    each biggest passion is taken by god's thieves

    promising me you would change as much as you can

    we both rided speedily on a car without brakes

    everything went gradually too far as much as we ran

    walking as a blind while unknown troubles are next

    the soft touches started saddening and causing pain

    a %26quot;foreign%26quot; person cuddled me, I just tried to escape

    when I ain't placed in your heart , what it contains

    the flower you held, keeps drying out, left scape

    tomorrow is a new day, so why it still has past memories

    it's not a matter of time until my scars disappear

    we always play lovers while everyone stands and sees

    they all know why despite of that we're still having fearI wrote a new poem , any opinion?Nissim, why are you making it difficult for people to appreciate what you have to say? By having practically no punctuation you are saying.....I don't care if anyone understands this, I do...but, surely you should be trying to communicate?

    (incidentally - it should be we both rode speedily in a car - is English not your first language? I'm not trying to belittle just seems an odd construction for an English speaker)

    This might be a poem worth reading - but, it is too much trouble for me to decipher which is a pityI wrote a new poem , any opinion?I mean... It's one of those poems that makes no sense... It sounds better than most of the yahoo answer poems... But this still needs a lot of work.

    And punctuation please....I wrote a new poem , any opinion?It sounds good just you have to make your main idea of what your trying to say clearer

    please answer mine;_ylt=AvGoxW1p3YRY2E91Z3NRLtpp.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20080810124738AAg3ake